So you gave out your number on an optimistic whim and not only has your object of desire made contact, but arranged a Date. Yes, with a capital D. This is official.
After the momentary rush of excitement, it is easy for panic to rear its ugly head. What do we talk about? What is the right amount to eat? And worst of all, what do I wear??
I have put together a guide to help ease the nerves so you can relax, enjoy and hopefully find love.
Photo: Norma Shearer and Irving Thalberg by Edward Steichen
What do I wear?
Once the location is decided upon, you can start to work out what to wear. It is often handy to check out the location online so you are aware of dress codes. Before you tear your wardrobe apart or spend hundreds of dollars on a new outfit to ‘knock his socks off’, the answer to this question is right in front of you.
- What is your favourite article of clothing at the moment?
- What is the piece that you are absolutely in love with and probably wear more than hygienically appropriate? Here lies your answer.
Whether it is your bright red pumps or a silk singlet, use their piece as the base of your outfit. The trick is to simply style and accessorise around this piece to suit your destination.
This can be done by simply adding a scarf, chunky costume jewellery or simply pair it with your favourite pair of jeans. By doing this you will be showing the object of your affection something about your personal style as well as giving yourself confidence by wearing something you already know looks gorgeous!
Tip: Always remember it is best to be slightly overdressed than under-dressed. If people are going to be looking at you, make sure it is for a good reason.
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But what do we talk about?
A rule I always follow when I am nervous about meeting someone is to always ask questions. Everyone loves to talk about themselves and by doing this you will learn a great deal about someone as well as demonstrating to them that you are a good listener and generally interested in their life.
On the first date with my partner I was incredibly shy and nervous so I sat asking question after question. By the end of the date I knew his entire life’s story and he thought I was a nice girl for taking so much interest in him!
When you are talking remember to keep things positive and upbeat.
Talk about what excites you in your life and you’re aspirations as there is nothing worse than being stuck with someone complaining about everything in their life. (Can someone say ‘fake emergency call?’)
Try to find some common interests you can form a solid conversation about, whether it is a mutual friend or a common desire to explore South America, this is a great way to avoid uncomfortable silences.
Tip: Always avoid discussing past relationships. No matter how much he reminds you of your ex-boyfriend’s brother, keep it to yourself!
How much do I eat?
Now girls, women throughout the ages have fought for our independence, our right to be judged on a level playing field. So if you want that steak, order that steak. Just because you are on a date does not mean you have to push lettuce around your plate feigning a full stomach. (Remember a grumbling tummy will always appear at the most awkward of moments!)
Besides this, men respect women who can eat because it is a sign that they are comfortable with their bodies and down to earth. My boyfriend still proudly rants to his friends that the first time I ate a whole ‘Parma and chips’ with him he knew I was his type of woman (Ah, the way to a country boy’s heart!).
Foods to avoid:
- Spaghetti, fettuccini, noodles - these foods are far too easy to flick sauce juice on your white blouse or worse yet, your partner’s face.
- Anything with a great deal of garlic or onion - this is pretty self-explanatory. Although, do not follow this advice if the date is going badly, it may save you at the end of the night!
- Chilli - unless you have a high tolerance, chilli makes you thirsty, your eyes water and your nose run. Definitely not a Luscious look!
- Cream sauces - these can be a bit ‘touch and go’ depending on the quality of the restaurant and can leave you feeling bloated.
- Bottles of wine - Always order wine by the glass so that you can keep track of how much you have had. Also ask for a bottle of water for the table. Wine is a good way to ease the nerves, but always keep it balanced so you stay in control.
Tip: After the meal it is appropriate to excuse yourself for the bathroom. This is an important opportunity to reapply makeup, straighten your outfit, get anything out of your teeth and, of course, message your best friend the details so far!
Do we order dessert?
If things are going well so far, suggest sharing a dessert as this will create a more intimate environment.
Otherwise, if it is a pleasant night, suggest an ice cream and a walk outside. This breaks down the formality of the date and allows the prospect of physical contact as well as a chance to laugh about pre-date jitters.
Who pays the bill?
If your date offers, he is probably being a gentleman and you should humbly accept his offer. Otherwise keep it uncomplicated and split the bill right down the middle.
Tip: If he pays for the bill, perhaps offer to pay for the next one?
To kiss or not to kiss?
This is entirely up to you and how you feel about the date, as there is no right or wrong answer to this question. Some men will be chivalrous and kiss you on the cheek goodbye or ask you politely for a kiss, yet it your decision whether to accept or not.
Tip: Keep in mind that a kiss is sometimes a great way of finding out if there is real chemistry between two people.
Do I call him?
Take your advice from the movie “He’s just not that into you” on this one. If he likes you, he will call you.
If he says he will call and doesn’t, it is highly unlikely that he has fallen off a cliff and broken both his arms rendering him unable to call and text. Nor is it likely that this the end of your romantic life, as you know it.
If you have enjoyed your night it is perfectly acceptable to send a message telling him so and thanking him for his company. Who knows? This may help ease any insecurity he has about your feelings.
Finally…
The best advice I can offer is by far the most simple and easy. Be yourself.
If this is a man you want to fall in love with, and for him to fall for you, he has to know the real you.
If you are able to be yourself, no matter what the outcome, you can walk away with your head high knowing that you put your best foot forward because the finest thing you can offer someone if your true self.
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